


Break My Heart Again

by Skylar_Save



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Apologies, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28447077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylar_Save/pseuds/Skylar_Save
Summary: “What are you doing here?”Oh. There are so many reasons Bokuto is here. What does he say? I wanted to see your smile. I needed to know you were real and not just a dream. I was in the area and stopped by to say hi. But this is Kei, and he can’t lie to Kei.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Tsukishima Kei, Oikawa Tooru/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 8
Kudos: 80





	Break My Heart Again

**Author's Note:**

> Am I going through a depressive episode? Maybe. Do I have a soft spot in my heart for both of these ships? Also yes. Do I project my own thoughts and emotions onto them sometimes? Absolutely. That's kind of what this is. 
> 
> Based off the song "Break My Heart Again" by FINNEAS.

There’s a knock on the door, disrupting Kei from his phone. He slowly untangles himself from his blanket on his couch, before walking to the door. He opens the door, keeping it on the latch.

“Hello?”

“Kei.”

His breath stops in his throat because suddenly in front of him, in clothes too light for the weather outside, hair plastered against his forehead instead of styled in its usual gel, is Bokuto Koutarou. He looks worse for wear, his jacket slung over his shoulders, drooping off one slightly. Tsukishima notices the slight red rim around his eyes, and he begins wondering if it’s from crying or drinking, or both.

“No,” he says, closing the door immediately. 

“Kei, please!” Bokuto pleads, a thump coming through the door as his hand lands on the doorframe. “Please, listen to me. That’s all I ask. If you never want to see me again it’s fine, but please, _please_ hear me out.” His voice is ragged, not at all like his usual boisterous sound. It’s different. It’s another thing that’s changed since Tsukishima last saw him.

Without thinking, he grabs a sweater off a hook on the wall, not bothering to check whose it is, pulling it on before unlatching his door and opening it.

“What do you want?” He asks. Bokuto looks so small, even though he’s standing on the landing instead of the steps leading to the street. Tsukishima takes notice of the phone he holds in his hand, how his thumb hovered over his contact list.

Bokuto looks up at Tsukishima. It’s not too much of a difference to anyone else, but Tsukishima is suddenly aware of Bokuto’s height. Being an inch shorter seemed trivial, but Bokuto used to exaggerate it whenever it was Tsukishima he was being compared to. Bokuto in turn sees Tsukishima, the lanky teenager he met during camp, but when he blinks he sees _Kei_ , who attends Sendai University. Kei, who likes dinosaurs so much he works at the Sendai museum as a paleontology intern. Kei, who also plays professional volleyball on top of all of this. But underneath is _his Kei,_ who drinks coffee black with no cream but four sugars, who drinks strawberry lemonade on hot summer days and who likes dark chocolate on Valentine’s Day because he can’t stand milk chocolate. His Kei, who sleeps like a child, clinging to Bokuto’s arm, head tucked in between his shoulder and neck. His Kei, who rolls his eyes at public affection but blushes and holds hands everywhere they go. His Kei who secretly likes watching cheesy rom-coms “just to make fun of them” when in reality it’s because he’s a hopeless romantic at heart.

But then Kei speaks again, and his wonderful bubble bursts. 

“What are you doing here?”

Oh. There are so many reasons Bokuto is here. What does he say? _I wanted to see your smile. I needed to know you were real and not just a dream. I was in the area and stopped by to say hi_. But this is _Kei_ , and he can’t lie to Kei. 

“I wanted to say I’m sorry.” He looks up into Tsukishima’s eyes, away from the welcome mat he knows so well. “I wanted to say I’m sorry, and I’m a jerk and I don’t deserve you.” He squeezes his eyes shut as memories flood his mind. A single late night turning into many, with night practices overlapping with the local residents league, and seeing his old flame again. A single practice turning into countless, and one coffee to weekly coffees, and he remembers Kei in the background of it all, working away to reach his dreams, yet always managing to find time for Koutarou, who seemed to be more busy lately. He remembers how one night, coffee turned to drinks and drinks turned to kisses and kisses turned into _something more_ and then he doesn’t remember anything, because he sees it all in Kei’s eyes. He knows that the man in front of him remembers calling, leaving three voicemails before asking Bokuto’s teammates if they knew where he went that night. 

Bokuto remembers the rest in that moment. He remembers waking up in a bed that was not his own, in a room a bit too familiar to call strange, with someone he had taken time to know intimately again the night before. He remembers rushing out of the room without a care for how he looked, and when he called for a taxi to take him home, back to _his Kei_ , he remembers locking eyes with a set of gold ones he knew from memory. He remembers he had just stepped out of the apartment complex’s lobby just seconds before, and he remembers his top shirt buttons are unbuttoned. He remembers Akaashi emerging behind him, adjusting the scarf to hide the love bites that Kei could see from where he was standing on the sidewalk outside the building. 

He remembers how Kei’s face morphed into disbelief, horror, disappointment, _resignation_ , and how he turned on his heel and walked away immediately, not listening as Bokuto called out, and staring straight ahead when he had caught up to him. 

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t deserve your love. I don’t deserve you, Kei. I know this. Your friends know this. You… _you_ know this.” He ran a hand over his face, wincing slightly at the feeling of stubble against his palm. “But,” he started, standing up straight, “I need you to know I love you. I know I can’t change things, and asking for forgiveness is something no one should be asking from you, but please Tsukki,” the nickname falls off his lips too easily, “I’m asking for your forgiveness. Please, I’ll do anything. I just… I can’t live without you, Kei.”

He expects Tsukishima to look taken aback, but all he sees is mild shock before his brows furrow again and he stands up straighter. Throwing a look behind him, he holds the door open with his hip as he crosses his arms. 

“Bokuto,” the last name makes Koutarou wince, the name sounding so foreign coming from his Kei. “I don’t forgive you. At least, not yet.” At this, Bokuto’s head snaps up, eyes a little too hopeful. “I don’t think it’s coming any time soon.” He huffed, jaw clenching.

“You fucked up, Kou. You said you would never do it again, and yet here we are. Years later, and you lied. You cheated, again, and maybe it would have been easier to forgive if it wasn’t the fact that you slept with Akaashi, _again_. And you know,” he sighs, looking up at the moon, “I should have seen it coming. I never thought you were truly over him, but I was willing to ignore it because I was _happy_.” He looks at Koutarou again. “ _We_ were happy.” 

“I feel stupid, not putting the pieces together. I watched it all happen, for the second time, and did nothing to stop it. The first time it happened, I knew I loved you enough to forgive you… but now…” he trailed off, blinking at the sky before turning back to Bokuto. “But now I’m wondering if you ever loved me enough to stop. Did you ever think I was enough?”

“Kei, don’t say that, you know you were—”

“Then why did you do it?” Tsukishima all but screams into his face. His voice is soft, calm, and cool, but Bokuto feels it like a brand across his entire body. 

“I… I don’t know.” The words threaten to choke him, coming out with the taste of bile. “I want you, but I wanted him, too. I was so stupid. I _am_ stupid. Please, Kei, I promise. I’ll never do it again. I’ll block him on everything, change my practice schedule, anything, _everything_ if it means coming back home to you. My apartment isn’t home without you. I’m not me without you.” 

A silence fills the air between them, and Bokuto blinks back tears waiting for an answer. When he looks down, he notices moving shadows reflecting off the wood floors of Kei’s townhouse, before a sigh has him looking at his lover again.

“Kou… I won’t. You need to realize that I have loved you for years, and you’ve loved Akaashi for years. Nothing will change that. What will change, is the fact that I can’t love you anymore. You’ve hurt me, twice, in the same way. Nothing will fix that. If your promise back then meant something, this one means less. I gave your stuff to Lev, he has the boxes in one of his rooms.”

Tsukishima chuckles, and Bokuto notices how bitter his lo— ex-lover sounds. “You know, if it was someone else, maybe I would be more lenient. Maybe I would be hurt even more, I can’t really tell. I used to think,” he smiles, but it’s all wrong, all sharp lines and no _warmth_ , “‘What if he cheated with a woman?’ or ‘If it had been a stranger, would I forgive you?’ but each time it leads back to the same answer.” His face drops, and suddenly Bokuto can see how _tired_ Kei looks, and he hates that _he_ is the cause of it. “No,” the blond says, eyes squinting at something in the distance before looking back at Koutarou. “I wouldn’t forgive you. Not the second time. Not again. You _broke me_ , Bokuto. You broke me all those years ago during high school, and everyone said I was stupid to take you back. They were right because here we are again. I’m not going back to you. You made your bed, now sleep in it.” He shakes his head. “You had me fooled, Bokuto. You had me thinking it would never happen again, and that you were over him. I thought, maybe, just _maybe_ if things kept going smoothly we could grow into something more. But no, it happened again, and you knew your choices had consequences since the last time. You had me thinking that maybe I had a place in your heart bigger than Akaashi, and that maybe I mattered more.” He crossed his arms over his chest, pulling himself closer. “But that wasn’t true, was it? It’s been three months since I left, Bokuto, and this is the first time you’ve said you’re sorry to me in person. You didn’t even drop by to get your things, which made me think maybe you already had some at his place.”

“Tsukki, that’s not true! You know I only lov—”

“Kei?” A third voice interrupts from the bottom of the steps, and Bokuto watches as Tsukishima’s face morphs from bitterness to something soft, something Bokuto used to see directed at him. Bokuto turns to look behind him and he sees none other than Oikawa Tooru standing at the bottom of the steps, grocery bags in one hand and a cake box in the other. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, Tooru, I’m fine,” Tsukishima answers, fixing his sweater sleeves. It’s at this moment that Bokuto notices it’s not his, it’s a cool blue with a simple embroidery design across the chest. _Aoba Johsai Volleyball Club_ is written neatly beneath a simple design. When did this happen? Since when did Oikawa know Kei? Why hadn’t Tsukishima mentioned he knew the captain of CA San Juan? “Bokuto was just leaving.” 

That snaps Koutarou out of his daze. “I am?” He glanced between the two, before Tsukishima’s cold stare and Oikawa’s still face left him muttering. “Yeah, I was just about to go.” He goes down the stairs, where Oikawa stands with an unreadable expression. Tsukishima takes that as his cue to leave the doorway, leaving it ajar for Oikawa to enter. 

Bokuto forces a small smile. “Sorry for intruding on your visit, I know Tsukki likes to be prepared for friends visiting.” 

Oikawa smiles, eyes just a little too sharp. “Actually, we had plans but the cold front cancelled them. Now we’re making dinner at home, so Kei was expecting me to come back.” It’s the casual use of the words _we_ and _home_ that have Bokuto’s internal sirens going off. 

“Oh? It’s kind of late, and it could be dangerous to drive home in this snow with the stations closed.” He’s fishing, which is a cheap thing to do, but his protectiveness and possessiveness over his ex isn’t going to go away, even if it’s been months. 

A small laugh rings out, and Oikawa shifts the bags in his hands to scratch his cheek while the other holds the cake box delicately. “As if Kei-chan would let me leave. I’m spending the night.” His smile seems a bit more genuine as he glances back towards the front of the townhouse, where the curtains reveal a little bit of the glow inside from the kitchen.

Koutarou glances down. “No overnight bag? I can walk the groceries up so you can go get it if you want.”

“Why would I need an overnight bag?” His eyebrows crinkle a little, and Bokuto thinks it’s a little unfair how they naturally sit so delicately. “Kei and I keep some spare changes at each other’s places.” The air stills around Bokuto, and he’s sure Oikawa said that on purpose. To get a rise out of Bokuto. It’s working, because he wants nothing more than to demand answers because how dare Oikawa Tooru waltz into Tsukishima’s life and smile like that like it was normal because, _no_ , normal is Kei and Bokuto, not Kei and Tooru. 

Oikawa takes this moment to slip past Bokuto, before stopping on the second to last step. He stops, speaking over his shoulder. “He’s happy, if that’s what you’re wondering. I make sure of that every day.” He pauses for a moment before continuing. “Your impact is still there. Some days he wakes up scared I’ll leave, or choose someone else, and,” he laughs softly, “those days I want nothing more than to throttle you, because who would choose anyone other than Kei? Who would choose someone else besides this amazing man that now I get to call my own? I get to love this man, day in and day out, with all my heart, and yet there is still a part of him that thinks it’s all a trick— that it’s all temporary.” He climbs the final step as Bokuto watches, heart aching. “It’s not.” Oikawa turns to face Bokuto, looking down at him from his place on the landing. “I don’t intend to stop loving Kei. I won’t make your decisions.” 

He hums, quietly, into the night sky. Tooru’s breath curls around his face as he walks through the door. Just as he’s about to close it, the only physical thing separating Bokuto from Kei, the door to the home that held his _heart_ , Oikawa speaks. “It must’ve been nice to love someone who let you break them twice.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for being inactive for months, I really have no excuse. 2020 has thrown me for a loop, and quite frankly I'm still trying to find myself and my happiness again.


End file.
